Back in July I ended up unexpectedly visiting ihop (International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO.) It was a whirlwind of a trip and I ended up only being able to have 1 hour to bask in the House of Prayer. During that 1 hour the Lord surprised me by asking me to give Him the month of September. I heard Him so clearly. He asked me to give Him that time to consecrate myself and allow Him to establish a House of Prayer in my own personal life (Mark 11). Without hesitation I said, “Yes.” I didn’t know how it would work out or even how financially how I would be able to pull it off. But, I knew that when He asks you to do something He works out all the details. He was calling me to obedience and surrender, not to understand and worry about all the ins and outs. With an open heart I approached this journey not knowing what to expect, but knowing that it would be difficult and outside my comfort zone for sure. Never in my life have I taken an entire month to consecrate myself totally to Him and do nothing else. No TV, no social life, no distractions. Just Him and I, 24/7. It sounded amazing and scary. It’s been both. I’ve been on this journey for the past 20 days and as soon as I started this journey the dying process begun. Day after day the Lord has touched different areas of my heart that He is after. Things that I didn’t even know were in me have surfaced. It’s always amazing to me that when you step into light ALL the dirt and dust within us is exposed. When we step into Him His light shines into the uttermost depths of who we are going after every crack, every piece of dust in our hearts that contradict the fullness of covenant He has designed for us. In His ever kindness and gentleness He takes them, one by one, and replaces them with Him. Although this journey is not over for me, I hope it never ends because it has been a time of exchanging hearts, He has allowed me to feel what He feels, love what He loves and hate what He hates. I have cried over the broken and wept for the abandoned, constantly exposing the hardness of my own heart and the softness of His. As I weep His tears I feel the calluses of my heart began to peel away. Each day here I feel His heart continually being shown to me and I’m getting rocked with the truth that He LOVES us. Oh my goodness, how He loves us. I know we hear this over and over, but do you really understand this? Have you mediated and rested in the truth that He just loves YOU. Not for what you do, but simply because you are His. He delights in you, not just you in Him. He, the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Great I AM delights in you. It’s an overwhelming concept that wrecks my heart and blows my mind. It is His loves that undoes me every day. It’s His love that draws me in and breaks me down. It is His love that moves me to weep for the things He weeps for. It’s His love that restores my souls and breaths life into my bones. It is His love that He gave His only Son to be crucified for me. And for you. He allowed His Son to be murdered, so you and I could have eternal life, to be blameless before the Father. The kindness, beauty and love of that sacrifice are beyond comprehension for me. Everyday I am asking for more understanding of the depth and width of His love. And everyday He undoes my heart that much more, unlocking an unquenchable flood of love, deep and enveloping. The depth and breath of our Jesus. I stand in awe, humbled in His presence. The prophet Isaiah says it best:
So I said:
“Woe is me, for I am undone!
Because I am a man of unclean lips,
And I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips;
For my eyes have seen the King,
The Lord of hosts.”
~ Isaiah 6:5
My prayer is that all of us take time to meditate daily on who He is and the love He has for us. Let us not go through this life not understanding the His heart for us because it is when we encounter His heart for us that we are truly transformed into laid down lovers, fully surrendered to loving Him with all of who we are. What could be more fulfilling than this?
